Last night I couldn’t sleep as my mind raced, full of ideas, thoughts, and questions. I had been thinking of all kinds of ways to use technology in my work and my mind spun without an on/off switch. I thought of the Congo, Mozambique, Darfur, Uganda, Aceh, and hundreds of other places where pain runs deep. And I thought of what I believe, why I believe, and how this meshes with my work. I thought about communities who have suffered, people who have suffered, and wondered how some of them continue on, get out of bed in the morning, keep on living. I remembered a comment that was shared with me recently, “I have no answers, but this I know, one day- one moment -one crack of sharing of joy I hold onto and try to let it satisfy me.” I loved that comment – one crack of sharing joy – wow, how powerful, how deep with emotion. I thought I this as I rolled around in my bed and then I began to scribble about faith and hope, which seem to be things that assist people in continuing on. Some what I scribbled is below:
I wish to be a part of a community that has faith, not only in ourselves, but in the one who created us. I believe that some of our dreams, might just be the dreams of the one who created us and so we must pursue them with abandon. I believe that the mysterious and the tangible can/must be held together and do not cancel each other out. That God can be in the stunning creativity and joy of the opening ceremonies of the olympics as well as with the tears and crumbling hearts and anger of the rape victims, destroyed communities of the Congo. That we choose to rebel against grace, to go our own way, and yet grace chases after us like a lovesick teenager. That in all of us, there is both evil and good, death and life, depravity and hope, and that each day we are given the choice which to nurture, which to grow. No one said it would be easy, it was said that the burden could be light, however there is one who will constantly tell us we are not good enough and not worthy.
Grace is messy, grace is dirty, grace goes against all that we are taught, it does not control, it does not seek power, nor grant riches, and it requires us to embrace a mystery that we, who are dirty, can be made clean, we, who hurt, can be healed, we, who are raped and beaten, can be made whole, we, who are blind and deaf, can see and hear. And that we, who are not patient and live in an instant gratification society, are asked to wait, to hold on to grace, to watch and see our lives, communities, cities transformed in ways our imagination have not yet seen and to hope that joy comes with the morning.
Grace allows us to not be afraid, even though our culture has become shaped by fear. Grace allows us to say that it does not have to be this way, in the face of malnutrition, malaria, and war. And grace allows us to say YES! to the creativity of the olympics and to the songs of delight of children, to say that ALL are welcome regardless of sex, race or creed in the face of closed doors, to say try again to those who stumble, rest to the weary, freedom for the captives and oppressed, return to your land and enjoy your harvest to those whose land has been take away, fair pay for the workers, open arms to the refugees, schools for children, forgiveness for anyone who asks, communities for the lonely, respect for the elderly, inclusion for those with disabilities, self-acceptance and freedom from bondage/addictions for all!
This is what I have come to believe that God/Jesus/Spirit embodies and is about in this world and that he invites us all to bring the gifts that we have and join in. It requires buckets of faith and hope at times so I am grateful when they are given. Bringing my life in harmony with my beliefs is a life long journey and so I am thankful for grace to lead me on the path and to come find me when I stray off it.