‘It’s not that big of a deal’
It’s not that hard’
‘I don’t understand why people are upset about it’
‘It’s a no brainer’
While these tend to be viewed as statements or judgements about others, they are actually about us. They are indications we have not taken enough time to listen and truly hear other people; we have not spent enough time to understand where they are at. The change we are suggesting or enacting may not be a big deal for us, but it still can be for others.
Sometimes it feels like a ‘no-brainer’ to us because of the journey we have already been on leading us to this time, while others are just starting the journey. Sometimes it’s because the words we are using are not connecting with others.
Perhaps we can use statements like these as indicators or motivators. When we hear ourselves utter them, what if they were prompts and nudges indicating we need to explore more, spend time with the ‘other’ more to learn where they were at. To listen; not to respond or solve or jump in or dismiss or belittle, but simply to listen with the intent of learning.
Maybe if we listen, we can empathise with the other. Maybe if they feel heard, listened to, they, too, will be willing to hear a different story.
It’s worth a shot. You’re worth a shot.
Photo by Ben White