‘100% is easier than 95%’ This is one rules of personal change according to some experts. Some refer to it as ‘going cold turkey’ or ‘burning your bridges’. The analogies are endless but the theory is that by giving yourself no way back, you have to go forward into the future. Other experts advocate for incremental change. Both theories are based on experiences of the experts themselves and others around them. And both theories ignore or discount the experiences countless others.

Both are true and both are incorrect.

We do this all the time. Our brains are experts at this. Confirmation bias tells us that our brains actively seek out stimulus in our environment and lives that confirm what we already believe. And actively disregards stimulus which is contrary to what we believe.

Therefore, as we seek change, as we seek to influence others, to understand others, perhaps we need to be intentionally asking ourselves, ‘what are we ignoring?’ We are likely ignoring and discounting things which others hold dear. Perhaps that will give us insight into why we are missing each other.

Photo by Ian Barsby