Changing plans is never easy. It’s accompanied by shame, anxiety, fear, failure, and sometimes lots of heartache. To change plans requirees us to admit that we were or are wrong in some way. And too often being ‘wrong’ comes with shame.

The thing is that changing plans happens all the time. Often in small ways (the pharmacy was closed, so I went to the supermarket first). But someitmes in big ways (the person on our flight who had a medical emergency was planning to get off the plane in Toronto, not Iceland).

Changing plans happens in all areas of our lives. And yet, some changes trigger shame in us, a sense of something being wrong with ourselves or being a failure. While other changes don’t. And what triggers shame in me, may not trigger it in you.

The more aware we are of our triggers – in ourselves and in others – the better we can dance with them. It’s unlikely we will ever rid ourselves (or others) entirely of them, but we can all learn to dance with them. And in the dance, we are the lead partner, not the emotion.

Photo by Nihal Demirci Erenay